Tuesday, November 23, 2010

some people will always just make you smile.

as the title suggests it is mighty true...

even though the day today was stressful with the whining of classmates  of the failing test grades and the "Allyson doesnt study for her good grades she is just naturally smart"  (which is not true AT ALL)  upon finding out i passed the test and the tense and down atmosphere that surrounded the class for the rest of the day, I got to talk to Eric  who is always cheering me up and keeping me positive and i got to see my big sis Miriam whom I love dearly and she also makes me happy.  Aunt Sheri is another, she is always so loving to everyone. It touches my heart.

Truth is I have been dealing with recurrent anxiety and panic attacks (i should actually call the Doctor about this in the morning...memo to self) I have medicine for it and it helps for the most part....well I am in the recurrent phase of anxiety where the anxiety is recurring (sorry for the obvious statement). So anytime I get to see the people who will always make me smile i welcome it.

I feel so helpless when these stretches of time with anxiety come about. I should be able to control my brain from going 90 miles per hour yet somehow I can't.  The smallest things make me feel like an awful person. Like if someone texts me and I call them instead of text them, I will see that little text message later that day and be like "why didn't I text them back" even though I know I called them. I guess its like a people pleaseer disease to the extreme. Haha I don't know how I will ever last in the real world.

Oh well thats enough venting for right now I guess....

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